all you ever
by goosepickle
Summary: "I love you so much. And I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out." AU. Oneshot. Song fic.


**I've been kind of story crazy lately, haha. But I just have all these good ideas, so I hope you guys don't mind. Anyway, another one shot. Enjoy.**

* * *

**You give me chances and I let you down.**

Ally grimaces. "If there's anything wrong with me talking to this guy, let me know."

She's desperately trying to give Austin a chance to say that it's wrong because she's his and nobody else's.

"I don't care. Go," he shrugs.

And he's confused, because why is she pushing the subject?

He hadn't said anything about it, but it was like she was insisting for him to find something wrong with this guy.

And she's upset and a little disappointed, because it isn't the first time she's given Austin a chance to admit his feelings, because she knows she can't be the only who feels something between the two of them.

And chance after chance, she just gives up trying to explore the emotional connection they obviously share.

So, she just sighs and nods, with a solemn look on her face and leaves the room.

[the page breaks here]

**"You waited for words that I couldn't get out."**

"Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn't go on this date," Ally counters smugly crossing her arms across her chest.

He knows what he wants to say.

Because you should be going on a date with me.

He can't say that, though. Because he had messed up too many times for her to even consider him an option.

He can't find the words to tell her why she can't go and that's enough of my response for her.

"That's what I thought," she laughs bitterly when he doesn't reply. "When you think of a good reason, let me know. Until then, I have a date to get to," she smiles tightly, walking out of the practice room, slamming the door and breaking Austin's heart.

When she leaves, the words hit Austin like bricks.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

[the page breaks here]

**"I have no excuses for the way that I am. I was clueless then."**

"Why are you acting like this?" she yells; it' beginning to seem like that's all she had been doing recently. "I went on a few dates with him and now he's my boyfriend. That's how it works, Austin."

And he doesn't know why he's so angry at her for dating this Ryder guy. He seems friendly enough, which makes Austin even more frustrated, because he wants to hate this guy more than anything, but he just can't.

But he doesn't know why he wants to hate him so bad.

He thinks about the time when Ally first told him about her first date with Ryder. And how when she left the room, all he could think about was how much he loved her.

But he doesn't love her, right? Not anymore than a friend. Because, even though they've been fighting a lot, she's still his best friend. And you don't have feelings for your best friend. It's some sort of unspoken rule, he assumes.

She's staring at him with a shocked look on her face.

Just moments before, he was yelling at her and throwing things and being very angry and now he was mute.

He has no excuse for being angry, because he's clueless as to why he feels like he needs to be angry.

[page breaks here]

**"I couldn't understand that all you ever wanted and all you ever needed was a side of me I never let you see."**

Ally's desperate.

Desperate for Austin to let her in already.

Because he's been staring at the piano keys with a distraught look on his face and every time she asks what's wrong, he clears his throat, wipes his eyes and whispers, "It's nothing."

But it something and she's well aware of that.

Because even though she yells at him a lot now, she still cares about him a lot. And even though it's been two months since she and Ryder had become officially a couple, she still has a part of her heart that loves Austin.

But she pushes it away, because she's pretty sure having feelings for your best friend is against some sort of unspoken code.

And she knows the feelings aren't reciprocated, so she doesn't risk jeopardizing their careers and friendships.

But even though she wouldn't mind a relationship with the blonde who had a few stray tears running down his cheeks, all she really wants and needs from him is for him to let her in. To let her repair his broken bits.

[page breaks here]

**"I wish I could love you and make you believe it, because that's all you ever wanted from me."**

It's been almost six months since the start of her relationship with Ryder and Austin is still keeping his space from the petite brunette.

He still doesn't know why it hurts to see the couple together, because it shouldn't,

He doesn't know why every time he sees their hands intertwine, he feels his heart crack. Or every time she stands on her toes to reach his lips, he feels jealous.

Because he doesn't love her.

[page breaks here]

Ally is getting uneasy and restless, because, yeah, she's happy with Ryder. But he's no Austin.

And she doesn't know why it bothers her so much that Ryder has brown hair instead of blonde and blue eyes instead of hazel, but it does.

A lot.

And all she wants to hear is Austin tell her "I love you".

And when he is with her, he does say it, but not in the right way. Not in the way she knows she needs to hear it.

He says, "I love you," and gives her this look she's never seen before. And then he adds, "As my best friend."

And by the way he avoids her, it's hard to believe that he loves her. Even a little.

[page breaks here]

"Could I be selfish or lost in my pride, afraid to be too forward or just too scared to try?"

"Austin, I know there's something here," Ally says, breathing heavily.

They're fighting again. This time Ally told him he was being selfish, because he kept looking at her like that but not saying how he felt.

And he has too much pride to admit that's she right and he won't tell her how he feels, because he doesn't want to be too forward with her.

"Who cares?" he spits angrily, avoiding her doe eyes. "You have a boyfriend."

And she scoffs, because, yeah, she has a boyfriend. And it's been eight months and he still doesn't make her feel the way Austin does.

And maybe Austin's fear isn't of being too forward with Ally. It's just that he's terrified of feeling so strongly for her.

[page breaks here]

**"And now I'm without you. It took distance to see that losing you means losing everything."**

Ally and Ryder have been together for eleven months now.

And ever since their fight three months ago, Austin and Ally haven't spoken.

And he doesn't know why it took him this space and this distance from her to realize that the reason he felt the way he had for the past almost year was because oh, God, does he love her.

And it took him a year to realize that losing Ally meant losing everything. His everything.

[page breaks here]

**"Is it too late and are you too far to let me be all that you wanted and all that you needed?"**

Ryder and Ally have been together a year now and it still hurts Austin when he sees them, but he's making progress.

He's going to be what Ally wanted him to be all along. And he hopes it not too late to do that.

[page breaks here]

Austin walks into Sonic Boom, all by himself, which is a strange sight for the brunette behind the counter, because any time he's been in the store throughout the past year, it's been with Trish and/or Dez, so he wouldn't have to speak to her directly.

And she cocks an eyebrow at him. "Hi," she musters out.

"I'm so sorry," he blurts, catching her off guard. "I miss you so much," and it's like he's a fountain of words, because they just keep coming out.

"I miss you too."

A beat passes.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I don't know," he confesses. "Well, I do. Sort of."

She nods, telling him to go on.

"Is it too late?"

Her eyes widen. She looks like a deer in headlights and Austin immediately regrets his choice to come here.

"I'm sorry?"

"Is it too late?" he repeats. "To be all you wanted me to be. And all you needed me to be."

"I don't think I understand..." She trails off awkwardly.

"I love you so much, Ally," he says, barely above a whisper. "And I'm sorry it took me a year to figure that out."

"I..." She wants to say it back, because, maybe it took him saying to really confirm her feelings. But there was a reason they never worked out for the past year. Her boyfriend. "I have a boyfriend."

"I know."

And she sighs. "Your timing is terrible."

"I know," he repeats.

And she doesn't reply and he doesn't leave. They just sit there in silence and maybe that's what's best for right now.

[page breaks here]

It's another six months later before she and Ryder break up.

She's almost twenty years old now and it's been a while since the roller coaster that is she and Austin began.

They've graduated since the beginning and they're patiently waiting their first semesters of college.

The six months that pass, they start talking again. And it's like she's been falling in love with him all over again.

And this time around, Austin is catching all the things he fell in love with the first time round that he didn't quite catch.

And it doesn't take Ryder long to notice the change in his girlfriend's demeanor after a certain blonde comes back into her life. And he knows their relationship is over and that it's been over for a long time.

And he loves her, really. He just know that although she may love him, she won't ever love him as much as she loves Austin.

And that's okay.

The breakup wasn't as traumatic as she had anticipated, because she knew it was coming.

But his words caught her off guard and maybe it was the confirmation she needed all along.

It was a Tuesday night. They were sitting in Ryder's car, listening to the soft him of the radio, sitting in her driveway.

He shut the radio off and looked at her for a long time before telling her that they needed to breakup.

She didn't need to ask why, because she knew why, but she asked anyway.

And he shrugged. Then he answered. "Because you don't look at me the way you look at Austin."

And she nodded and apologized. Then exited the car and went inside.

[page breaks here]

**"I'll show the side of me I never let you see."**

It's later that night that she finally texts him.

"He broke up with me."

And she hits send.

And it's not long before her phone beeps with a reply.

"Why?"

He doesn't need to ask why, either, because he knows why.

"He said I don't look at him the way I look at you."

And a few seconds later, a reply comes.

"Oh."

And she's confused, because she thought that they had come a long way since one word texts and short answers.

But it's only ten minutes later when she hears a knock at her front door.

She races down, almost tripping in the process, but miraculously getting there in one piece.

She swings the door open. "Austin," she replies slowly, unsure if it's really him.

"I'm not good at letting people love me," he confesses, walking through her front door.

And she's confused, but says nothing.

"That night, I was upset because I think I was realizing how I felt about you. And how scary it was. And that you weren't mine."

"Austin, what are you doing?" she finally asks.

"I want you to know every part of me," he admits, a little bashfully. "I want you."

And she smiles. "Why the sudden change?"

"I don't think it ever changed. I think I was just stuck and forgot how much I love you."

And that's all she needs to hear. And she stands on her toes, intertwines their fingers and whispers, "I love you so much," and she presses a hard kiss to his lips and he quickly kisses back. "And I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out," she echoes his words from months prior.

And it took her a year and a half to realize that Austin Moon had been all she ever wanted and all she ever needed all along.


End file.
